My husband has said more than once that he’d like to be an actor in a commercial 

In particular, a confounded actor who cannot get over a certain hurdle 

You know what it’s like 

When you drop your car keys into the abyss of your car seat 

Or when you can’t twist the cap off the jar of peanut butter you’re dying to eat 

Or when you’re dealing with any other day-to-day household struggle

Buying things for living can be a lot to juggle 

Maybe he could be the guy who can’t tear a bag perfectly along the “tear here” line 

That struggle is mine 

One ends up with jagged edges 

And then a bag that won’t seal as promised along the plastic resealable line 

Raspberries, green beans, puppy kibble, Basmati rice 

Seep out and off the ledges of the table or counter   

It’s sure to make any hungry consumer flounder 

So enter the wonder-product: magic scissors that appear whenever you remember 

They could help you cut where it says to tear here 

With magic scissors 

My husband could be in his commercial

Consumers wouldn’t have to quiver 

Frustration would disappear! 

I’d have a clean kitchen 

And all those bags I’d opened would be easily re-zippin’