My anxiety swells like the waves 

I used to think that I was brave 

But reality sets in 

Just like the seagulls and the big fish wrestlin’

In late February the ocean is gray 

Me and my good old friend walked the boardwalk today 

She was in town

The place was devoid of tourists 

Which didn’t make either of us frown

We talked about old adventures as she pushed a stroller

I’m expecting, I told her 

Our conversations shifted like the wind off the ocean

We talked of everything that we’d been hopin’

I told her a wise guy (my husband) once said not to have too many expectations

He said it’ll wear you out and you’ll miss the journey – that is, with too much information

I guess it’s good to let life roll

Like the waves

Their subsequent vapor is like our souls 

Besides, what would we do if we did figure it all out?

I guess we’d find some other thing to complain about

Turns out we don’t want exactly what our parents wanted 

We both agreed it’s ironic how too much church can leave a kid’s faith stunted

We talked of fitness – how the strength of our 20s is a thing of the past 

We talked of old beach get-togethers 

I can still hear the echo of her laugh

It’s like the eternal music of the sea

Maybe that’s what we come to in the end – a bunch of memories?

I could’ve walked with her a million more miles 

But it was time for her baby to feed 

And I was tired myself 

Like the warmth of the sunlight that friendship felt 

Some but not all of my worry did melt

Outside her Airbnb 

I told her next time we meet, her kid will be walking and talking

From where we stood, I could hear the seagulls squawking 

We hugged

I needed a little more of a tug – of something – to bring my spirit even further north

So me and my pup drove up to 34th 

We ditched the boardwalk and his leash 

I kicked off my shoes 

And we both ran – to get some sort of release

I watched how the tide constantly goes out 

I can’t hold on to anything 

I dipped my toes in at the foot of the waves, not even shivering

My pup dove into the ocean 

Rode a wave in 

And emerged with a wide smile

I know if my Golden retriever could speak, he would have said, “Don’t worry, Mama, we’re only here for a little while”