I wish Turbo Tax asked if I have a Golden retriever 

That’s been the case for the past seven years 

My emergency fund after all this will be looking meager 

Yeah, last year I made more money

But my pup was hungry 

And groceries aren’t cheap 

A 100-pound pup has to eat 

Milkbones, shish kabobs, shredded chicken, Blue Buffalo 

Can I itemize? 

And what about the vet’s surprise?

Heartworm prophylaxis, flea and tick prevention

And ear infections, did I mention?

It’s the cost of hiking and swimming

The IRS is inevitable if you’re living 

And all the stuffed toys from Marshalls add up 

Is there a form for that?

Sure, he pulled all the stuffing from the jumbo cat 

Can I deduct all the dander?

There’s enough to stuff countless envelopes 

And oh yeah, last year I had to purchase puppy shampoo and soaps

Maybe it’s time for me to gerrymander 

Or is this all futile?

Maybe this year I’ll get a poodle

Because no matter the cost, pups are worth it 

The IRS can have most my income 

Just let me have all the dogs 

And then some – some money to care for them 

From filing taxes all my energy and money is spent 

If it were up to me 

Dogs would run the government