I would rather have stayed in my cave

Eating spaghetti warmed in the microwave 

Alone, not talking to anyone

But he cajoled me out for some Friday night fun

A rock climbing class – to get top rope certified 

He jokingly said, “Don’t let me die!”

My gremlins were whispering in my ear the whole time

(Does anyone else have gremlins?)

“You’re a failure, you can’t climb rocks, you’re weak”

But I sort of think humans have yet to peak

Tying knots is important, per the instructor

Figure eight and racetracks and safety knots

Within just a few minutes of class, my mind was rocked 

Maybe that’s the point

Time slowed a little – finally

Shapes and physics were never my thing

I had my harness secured and so did my partner

I fed that rope into the shiny blue ATC

I didn’t bother trying out the Grigri 

My partner climbed, I said “climb on”

I pulled the slack through 

As she pulled herself along

A wall full of multicolored rocks 

I watched her like a hawk

She took a practice fall and I caught her 

I slowly lowered her down

We switched roles

We tried to meet the instructor’s goals

She held the end of the rope for safety 

I wish I could have someone like her in my other activities here lately

Me and my friend both passed the test 

I donned my “Top Rope Certified” badge like a vest 

Clipped to my harness 

My husband wanted to climb

This “couples activity” had always been in his mind

Of course he went for the yellow 12 wall 

The hardest 

I kept the rope tight between my hands, the ATC, and my harness 

Two thirds of the way up he slipped 

I pulled out all the slack then braked, real quick

It was treacherous!

I caught my husband 

He dangled mid-air then took off climbin’

My gremlins whispered, “Bet you can’t do it again”

He was at the last two rocks – there was no grip 

Just little slats 

Rocks that were flat 

His legs and arms shook

From the bottom, all the way to the top, I looked

He sprawled, reached

I gritted my teeth

Then felt real dizzy

“Hannah!” I yelled

The gremlins had worked their spell

As the tunnel vision ensued 

I figured they’d spoken truth

Hannah, my partner, came running

As I started stumbling

And as my husband was on the wall fumbling

We all dove simultaneously

Hannah came and grabbed the rope to brake 

My husband free fell for two seconds 

The floor – not too forgiving – beckoned

As I dropped

We were all stopped – by something

I later got a pacemaker and a Grigri (it brakes automatically – in the event of syncope)

My husband has the strongest upper body you’ll ever see

Hannah is an angelic first responder and now a rock climbing instructor

Turns out we’re all battling some sort of gremlin – why else do people pay money to climb rocks?

Most days we feel like our hands are butter

And aren’t we all held by someone else?

There’s slack in our tracks 

We all need someone to take it in, to rope us in 

I discovered that Friday, out of the cave, together, is how we defeat the gremlins