I was wiping down the counter after dinner 

I was letting the busyness of the day simmer 

Looking at the next day’s schedule had made me short of breath

So I shut the laptop and baked some cookies instead 

The evening wind-down

There was a cooked noodle next to the burner 

Stuck-on

I tried to wipe it up but it got firmer

So I let it stay 

I was happy to use my new sponge 

A clear sign of mid-life, as my friend used to say 

I washed some dishes as cookies baked 

I stuck a ball of cookie dough in my mouth 

It tasted great 

I thought I heard something from near the couch 

But it was nothing 

I was home alone 

Dateline was on in the living room 

Nothing like a little more gloom 

The man barged in through the back door of the kitchen

He was big and masked 

Sort-of like one of my gremlins 

Strangely, I’d always envisioned this 

But that night I ditched my aforethought self-defense plans 

I was mostly irritated he’d disturbed my wind-down bliss

The kitchen smelled like mountain spring breeze 

Mixed with chocolate chip cookies

I wasn’t about to become a Dateline episode

But instead of reaching for the knife 

I took the high road

Caught him by surprise – I lunged at him, a double leg takedown 

I was wearing a 1950s apron with flowers on it – I probably looked like a clown

The man tumbled and tried to squirm away

I told him I’d had a rough day 

As I pinned his arms down with my knees 

Jiu jitsu training wasn’t for nothing 

He wrestled a bit 

That was it – I started tickling him 

That’s right 

My doughy fingers pinched his abdomen 

The intruder started gigglin’ 

He was too weak to run away 

I pulled off his mask 

I didn’t recognize him 

I told him to get on his way, that if the cops asked I’d reply all was okay

The large man stood. I was on guard

He told me, “Breaking in to people’s homes is hard”

I told him to wait 

I pulled the cookies out of the oven, put a few on a plate

Told him to take them with him 

He didn’t hesitate 

He left through the same door where he came

This time maskless

I don’t know why some things happen

But the next day at work I went into the exam room 

There was that man – on the table 

Under anesthesia 

You never know when good or evil will meet ya 

I put on my mask 

And went to work 

About the cookies in the patient’s pocket 

No one asked