He likes to go out there at night 

When I take my hot bath

Just before I turn out the light 

I go out to see him before bed 

Out the back door off the kitchen

I can smell it

He says it clears his head

Me, I try to read fiction

I guess we all need something 

I wear my short black shorts with the flowers on them 

An old green shirt

Barefoot for a moment so I can feel the earth

I go down the steps to the gate 

I see him 

He looks at me 

He’s sitting in his sturdy lawn chair 

He puffs smoke up into the air 

I tell him puffers don’t get a kiss 

He puts his hand down, blows the opaque cloud around 

He’s handsome as ever 

And clever 

Without standing, he sprays Febreze 

The light off the garage is dim

There’s always been something magnetic about him 

I go to sit on his lap, with ease

The whole scene takes me back

To when we were teens 

Those years are gone like his cigar smoke

The last 12 years – our marriage – like the Febreze mist 

We both sit in the manmade fog and realize all we have is this

It strangely smells good 

Though he knows I despise smoke

It’s like a good book I’m reading 

Or maybe a joke

I tell him to be careful about what he’s breathing 

He takes a puff of that fat cigar 

I’m reminded then he’s all I’ve ever wanted in a man 

Despite the puff, I kiss him 

He says he loves me while holding his cigar

And as we watch the smoke dissipate 

He says, “That’s all we are”