I still get the emails

Titled New Opportunity – it never fails – to get my hopes up

Ha.

You know, I used to think I was stuck

Like my six-figure job is the proverbial hellhole

Tuning in to the constant complaining – and chiming in – will take its toll

I drafted emails I wish I hadn’t

I know my missteps mostly God have saddened

Hopefully they never surface again

But each one has been a lesson

Jotted down in my journal somewhere

Hidden scarlet letters I bear

I’m grateful to the many doctors who’ve published their own scares

Turns out I’m not the only one who feels like an imposter

I remember the smartest kid I ever met in anatomy class said, “No one is born knowing anything”

But some effort and experience can take off like herpes zoster

I’m eight years in

I’ve circled every other job

My current one has made me someone else – someone I choose to be

Someone I pray God is happy to see

Though I’m in the weeds

I’ve learned to fight

I’m not an expert quite yet, but it’s alright

Turns out they pay me to solve problems

And the problems keep coming

I keep on humming

Trying

Somehow eight years in, it is exciting

Turns out everything I wanted

Is, indeed, already right here

Thankfully before I retire

The revelation came when I started doing what my father said: “Be someone you would hire”