It was Christmas at my parents’ house today

I felt a little anxiety when the doorbell rang

Family members flooded in

An aging aunt, a beleaguered cousin and her two children

My husband and brother, father, and mother

There were three dogs in all

A Christmas hurricane of sorts

They say kids say the darndest things

But adults talk politics, race, babies, religion, all at family gatherings

A scented candle is given to a family whose house just burned down

Irony

And in the background: pellet guns hitting empty soda cans is the sound

Two at the table make a living off diabetes

A kid slices through my insecurity

I’m not supposed to care

But at 12, shouldn’t he be aware?

One second I look like a kid then the next I look like a man, he says

My inner gremlins personified at the Christmas table

But I tell that kid to shut it because you know what, I can – I can do more pull-ups than you

The competition is on outside on the deck

My brother and husband hop the bar and go neck-and-neck

I bust out a few

After a little more chatter I decide to make time for another thing that matters:

When no one was looking, me and my pup snuck

I’d put on my coat, covering the sweater underneath – a gift from my mom but that’s not really me

Do I really know anyone? That’s the question sung at Christmas

So me and my dog escaped in the chill as the sun set

I let my short hair fly in the breeze – never mind what anyone (especially some 12-year-old) says of me. Words to forget

We trotted to that boardwalk then down into the sprawling sand

Out to the jetties at low tide

All alone, we frolicked beneath the periwinkle sky

Why’s being around people so hard?

We lingered on the shore and waited for the stars

Till my husband called asking where I was

We headed back to the house

The outdoors gave me a little natural buzz

On the ride home my husband said I’m beautiful

I noticed his pants were tattered

“The BB guns,” he said

He put his callused hand in mine

I was reminded of what most matters

He’d sacrificed himself entertaining the kids

So me and the other adults could breathe

What a gift

We both exhaled

Drove home with our dog

Having survived another Christmas