You were sitting in that little black rocking chair

You used the curtain to wipe your eyes as your voice cracked

I stood there

“What’s wrong, Daddy?” I asked

You cried and said, “I have cancer”

My heart was so pained to see you like that

My visit was devoid of our usual banter

You held that long beige curtain

I stood across from you, uncertain

Uncertain of why we turn gray

Uncertain of what to say

I was glad to wake up

But you know what?

There’s bitterness in reality

We’re watching each other seep out the years

Like you always told me, we have to face our fears

I don’t really have words of comfort

You and I both know we’re headed ultimately back to the dirt

But we also have bonded so long over the beauty here: dogs, the bay, the sunsets

I beg you, Father, do not forget: all the words we heard from within the wooden pews

Don’t you believe that there is good news?

Something, someone that makes all the beauty make sense

That cancer and suffering and death are not recompense

Sure, it’s all still a mystery

How my heart melts for you

And how you’ve held me so gently

So let go of that curtain, is what I wanted to say

Of this I’m certain: in the culmination of history, it’ll all be okay

Even God grieves

And like fall’s leaves

We’re changing

And maybe graying and aging and death are freeing

Let go of the curtain, let me embrace you

Though we sometimes feel uncertain, we have to keep believing