When I was young I took things too seriously

I used to think everyone was thinking about me

It’s why I studied so hard and perfected my handwriting

Other people’s thoughts were my igniting

Dribbling, shooting, sweating in a basketball craze

Coaches, teammates, parents, fellow players

Their opinions drove my high school days

My college decision

Was their predilection

I was a reed in the wind

Even in my late 20s

All I wanted was to impress my “friends”

It’s why I did so many things, why I achieved

Making them happy was the key to success, I believed

But nothing was funny, I took it all to heart

After a torn ACL, debt, and a few years of a 40-hour a week prison sentence

It became clear it was time for penitence

There were a few nails in the coffin

I ran into an old friend from jiu jitsu

I hadn’t been gone three years

When I greeted her she squinted and replied, “And who are you?”

She was there the night of the torn ACL

For several years I’d been under her spell

She didn’t remember me

And then I was at a wedding where there were coaches and players from my high school days

You know, they never walked my way

It was like I’d died

I left wondering if I’d ever been alive

Who am I

What do I want

I’m afraid I’ve exhausted all my stunts

What has been will be

Records are set to be broken

No one will remember you

All the shallow praise

Is a useless token

But it’s not too late to find the truth

People-pleasing is sin, excuse

It’s not wise to take things too seriously

None of us will make it out alive, you see

But it’s alright

I’m looking for the Light