It feels like fainting

The fuzzy black spots appear

My heart hammers in my ears

I was nervous at the stoplight

A professional in the making

I tried to tell myself I was alright

I even saw a therapist

I realized everyone before me and around me was a little off

Divorced, overweight, on anxiety medication

Something I couldn’t dismiss

In the office from 8 to 8

Sheer dedication

Even on holiday

At 27 I asked, “What about the beach, what about my dog, what about the sun?”

The serious child in me didn’t resonate with anyone

So I gave it a try

Felt like my life was passing me by

In the work but not consumed

The glistening beach still called

In my restless nights

I liked the bank statements but realized I was going to die

So I cut back

But moral dilemmas persisted

There’s no way to balance on the beam

Quality and health care are on different wavelengths it seems

I’m disenchanted, disconnected

Weary

Not who I wanted to be

Feeling a little dejected

But not looking for sympathy

I’ll take things off the walls, clean out my space

Dust off my hands

Take my briefcase

Go to the ocean with my dog for a little bit

Talk to God about it

Let my heart beat slow

Look at the summer sky’s glow

Take a deep breath

Maybe settle the endless debating

And keep from fainting