Time for some all-out soul-baring this evening. I’ve been pondering this heavily for the past six weeks or so. What I’m about to say will probably anger some and agree with others. But I’m going to share because I’d like to disclose my perspective on the topic. I’m curious too to hear what others say about this (I already have, but please feel free to comment – I’m hard to offend). Here goes.

Drumroll. I don’t want children. I am a 34-year-old woman, in the prime of my life. I’ve been joyfully married going on 10 years. I have a stable, enjoyable, lucrative career. I own a home and a vehicle (no payments). I have no student loan debt. I live in a safe neighborhood and I have a Master’s degree. My body feels the best it’s ever felt. My husband is much the same: enjoys his work; is in school going for his Bachelor’s degree; is in great shape.

I work out in the morning; he works out in the afternoon. We spend the evenings at the house with our beloved Golden retriever. We do a nice walk in the neighborhood, eat a tasty dinner, watch a movie, and piddle on our laptops and then possibly spend a few minutes in the hot tub before going to bed. On the weekends we run races, do yoga, take the dog on adventures, clean up the house, read, hang out with friends. It’s a great life.

I have zero feeling that I’m missing out on anything. We finally have the money and the time to buy things we like and do things we like. Life is not a struggle. We can meet friends for disc golf on a whim. We’re looking forward to traveling to Jamaica next year for a friend’s wedding. I don’t want to sound completely hedonistic here: we also give regularly to charity. We’re both trying to better ourselves professionally in order to better serve in our careers: me, for patients; my husband: for fellow citizens and the environment. And, environmentally: we enjoy staying small. Kids breed stuff.

Part of the reason we’ve had the success we’ve had in life is because we do not have children. I was able to get my Master’s degree without any debt. We were able to pay off our mortgage 30 years before most people. We have the time and energy to go to school, visit our parents (and care for them as they age), mentor others, encourage friends, share (very tangibly) with strangers.

Quite frankly, I don’t like kids. By that I mean, I don’t desire to be around them. I don’t think babies and infants are cute. I don’t have the patience. I find them annoying. Growing up, I didn’t fancy dolls and I was never eager to babysit or work in church nursery. The few times I have watched other people’s kids, it’s been an experience in my own personal hell: being barricaded in a dark house, constant chaos, junk food galore, eardrum-piercing noise.

Bringing another person into the world is something that a potential parent should really want. There’s no taking the kid back. There are so many people right here in poverty, so many orphans already here. I feel like I am of better use to the world childless so that I can focus my talent, skills, even money on those already here. The idea of that appeals to me more, anyway.

Also, the moms in my life who are about my age really do not seem to be having a good time. I think most mothers suffer in silence. Their hopes and dreams and even voices are drowned out by the temper tantrums, dirty diapers, mind-numbing cartoons, and sheer exhaustion. Society can say what it wants: I believe it would be extremely difficult to work my full-time current job and be a present (not burned out) mother to a child.

Another honesty: I don’t want to give up my body for a child. I fear weight gain, hormonal fluctuations, morning sickness, infection, hemorrhoids, blood clots, and the myriad of other unpleasant health problems that come with pregnancy and childbirth.

Why do people have children, anyway? I don’t say this impudently. I mean it. Have you thought about it? Is it to assert their worthiness as someone’s biological selection? To pass on their genes? Because society expects it? Because they actually want to create and love and raise up another human? Do most people even think about the child, since a lot of pregnancies are unplanned?

My husband and I have discussed that if we get the burning desire to be parents in our 40s, adoption is there. I’ve read some amazing stories of adoption.

So, we’re both enjoying our lives right now. We both feel that we’re making the world better, for the kids already here and for the ones to come. I don’t envy mothers. I think they have the hardest job in the world. But many of them love it, I’m told. They can’t imagine anything better. For me,  I can’t imagine much better than my current life. ~