“Fake it till you make it,” I’ve heard them say

But what if it’s people’s health at stake

They figured I could fill the role of a seasoned physician who retired

So they gave me the job

He hung his white coat one last time on the hook

I never put it on, even when it’s chilly

I’ve been at it now for six years – look

Felt insecure, belittled, and silly

I’ve realized things aren’t nearly as simple as they appear

What I always thought was black and white

Isn’t nearly so airtight

I’m a nurse practitioner

Not a doctor

That’s for sure

I’m trying to fill the gap

Not enough health care providers for all the people on the map

But patients ask me when I’ll become a doctor

They think I’m in training

In a way I am

Ever reading, learning, straining

Trying to figure out what I’m doing

I’ve had a fraction of the schooling of doctors

And not a quarter of the student loan debt

But all these years later

I sit behind the same desk

Without a proctor

A paycheck still shows up in my bank account

I’m still here

The patients don’t disappear

I’m feeling a little more settled and a little more knowledgeable

Harder to offend

Maybe they haven’t figured out

It’s all pretend

I’ll always be in training

That retired doctor stopped by today

He peeked his head in my office to say,

“That white coat hanging behind the door is for you

Wear it if you want to

It’s been passed along through the generations”

He didn’t hang around to hear any of my explanations

I’m still not sure what I’m doing

I looked at the white coat hanging there

I put it on – what a dare

It didn’t fit, as much as I liked it

It’s not me

I couldn’t deny it

I took it off

Heard the gremlins scoff

But I completed the tasks of the day

Kept patients alive

Went home without debt

Read some articles

We all survived, even if a little startled

I guess no one’s too upset